There’s so much to be said about effective communication!
I’ll start with a little from KornFerry (see also: Leadership Competencies) and then share a bit from Jeannie Kahwajy’s work on this topic, plus a way to practice.
In the KornFerry Leadership Competency framework, Effective Communication is part of the “Influencing People” cluster within the “People” factor. They describe the competency as “Developing and delivering multi-mode communications that convey a clear understanding of the unique needs of different audiences.”
For people wishing to become more skilled, the authors propose a number of tips to consider. I want to highlight four here that were most relevant for someone I was recently working with and further explore one.
- #2 – Like to ensure you’re heard? Quiet down and listen.
- #4 – Sending the wrong signals? Watch your non-verbals.
- #6 – Communications missing the mark? Adjust for individual differences.
- #14 – Difficult conversation? Acknowledge emotions.
How do we acknowledge emotions in the workplace?
Start with ourselves.
- Often if we are feeling uncomfortable about something, we keep it to ourselves, but that doesn’t mean it is hidden from others.
- Jeannie Kahwajy, who has been researching, teaching and excelling at Effective Communication for decades now, talks about respecting the person in front of us and the art of “putting it all on the table.”
- I understand this as honoring ourselves and others by acknowledging what we are holding about a situation. Rather than holding back what might very well be the secret sauce to a totally new way of relating that unleashes energy in that person and across the organization, we go ahead and share it – ideally as skillfully as possible! But rather than wait until our skillfulness is at its peak, let’s practice.
- What are we concerned about when we choose to “put it all on the table”? What might happen – to the person we’re talking with, to ourselves, to our relationship, to the work we’re trying to do together? Well, what might happen if we don’t share what we see?
- Practicing this has been one of the most impactful ways I’ve experienced – and seen others experience – breaking through perceived interpersonal barriers. I’ve been amazed at how positively people tend to respond when the usually-unsaid is actually articulated.
Here’s a way to start experimenting with this.
- Identify a safe person in your life – maybe a partner or a close friend.
- Decide that you will practice this with them at least once.
- Start noticing the little “conflicts” you have with them – probably things that usually don’t get mentioned.
- Next time one of these “conflicts” comes up, notice what you’re holding back instead of sharing something with them.
- Practice! Tell them that you are trying to develop your communication effectiveness, and that you’d like to share something, and it might feel a little edgy or different. Invite them into your experiment. Share the thing you usually would have kept to yourself. Put it all out on the table. Let them know that you want to work through this together, whatever it is. Then get quiet and listen.
- Notice what happens!
- Reflect about it in writing. Take note of how you felt before, during, and after. Consider how you would practice differently next time.
- Practice again!